..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
