He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
