you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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