I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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