i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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