i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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