i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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