I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
