the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
