dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
