At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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