i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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