so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
