he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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