forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
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