So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
