Hey man sorry I got all grabby
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
