You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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