After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
