I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
