we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
