I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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