i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
