Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
