My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
