Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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