Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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