Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
