I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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