I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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