We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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