Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
