i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
