Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
