I am puke
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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