you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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