I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
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Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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