God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Damn victory sex feels great
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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