shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize
