I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
