im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
