I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
