watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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