I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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