uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
