if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
