Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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