you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
