It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
