when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
