i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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