Joe is yelling at the trees again.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
