i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sorry my hands just texted you
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
