i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
