My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
