I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
420 ftw
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize