yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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