I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
